Accepting.
Todays a gross rainy day. The kind of day that I do my best thinking on; I can think about everything, I’m not worried about having to go get something done, because it’s raining and until I feel the absolute need to, I wont go anywhere. I dont need to. :) Today I’ve been thinking about my past, I can’t really say it’shorrible, but hey, it could still have been better. but the biggest thing that I’ve learned from my past is that you cannot change anyone, or anything, but yourself. you can change how you dress, you can change what you say, how you say it, you can change your mind, you can change anything aboutyourself.Everyone else, you can only change how you feel about them. I used to try and change people, my parents, my brother, my friends. Myself. I eventually sucseeded in changing myself, (for the better of course) But in doing that, I realized that I can only change me. You can learn to accept how others are, but you MUST learn that you cannot change them no matter how hard you try. I cant go back and change what happened, I cant go back and change what has been said. But I can accept that it is in the past, never to happen again because I have learned from it. I’ve learned my patience level, I’ve learned how far I can push certain people, I’ve learned my emotion and physical boundaries. You learn from your past. Which is why I find it amusing that alot of people dont talk about what has happened to them. I can tell people what I’ve learned from myself in hopes of stopping them from making the same mistakes that I have. I cannot fully stop them, but at least I can tell them. And they will know what I have learned.
I’m wondering now if this makes any sense, it’s kind of just a spew out of thoughts and emotions at the moment. Maybe it makes sense to you. Maybe..
a dog is barking
Ed: “Look at that dog. She’s barking cuz she can smell what a fucking bitch you are.”
Experiences.
I learn from experience, no matter what the hell anyone says to me I’m not going to learn it unless I do it myself, maybe that’s why I’m doing so well in school right now. Half due to the fact that I’m teaching myself. And half to dropping out and learning to really appreciate my life, how easy it is when I’m in school, how important school really is.
But that’s not what this is about. This is about how I feel about myself now that I’ve learned that I need to take care of myself, and to do things that I love. I learned all this from experience.. I used to hate myself, and I mean HATE myself. But due to experience, and learning to see the better in everything. I have learned to love myself, I do things that I love. I do things to take care of myself, which I never used to. Honestly I used to just sit around and smoke and drink and eat. Now I sprinted the beach by my house yesterday and I’m attending a Judo class tonight, I’m sore as hell, but I feel good. It’s worth it.
I’ve learned from experience to quit smoking, and cut down on everything else, I’ve learned to make half decent choices, I’ve learned to eat healthier.
I have learned to live my life the way it was ment to be lived, I have learned to not take anything for granted, that life is short, but live it as long as you can, the way you want to.
xxx
Regrets.
Regrets, something we are not supposed to have. Says the people who usually only have the emotions of happiness, and forgiveness. Maybe some of those other freakishly happy ones as well. Everyone is supposed to have emotions, all emotions, along with regrets. Can you seriously look me in the eye and tell me there is not something you wish you did differently? I highly doubt it. There’s always gonna be that one thing you said that pushed someone to the edge, there’s gonna be that one person you dated that one time that your wondering WTF now.. Regrets. Wondering about what could have been in the past if one thing was said differently.
There are so many things that I regret in my life it’s unbelievable, I wouldn’t change them, but I wish they went differently. I let my temper and my mouth get the best of me often, I wish I never told anyone I hated them, or wanted them to die. How could I say that to someone and mean it? Beat’s me. But I really do wish I never said those couple of things to a group of certain people, the way I handle things I regret.
But like I said.. I wouldn’t change how everything worked out. I can only wonder what could have happened if it went differently.
xxx
Turning it up like you always do
Head to toe, covered in tattoos
Sooner or later you’re gonna come loose
What the fuck you gonna do?
Your body’s swaying from side to side
I wanna catch you when you fall
But then you’ll learn nothing at all
Still I’m ready to run but you’re so damn drunk
An atomic bomb couldn’t wake up you
What’s that you hear, bass and lights from the club?
I don’t think so, I’m by your side and all I can hear
Is that your mom’s starting to cry, screaming
Help me, help me, help me
The way that she looks
Turning it up like you always do
Head to toe, covered in tattoos
Sooner or later you’re gonna come loose
What the fuck you gonna do?
Turning up like you always do
Head to toe, covered in tattoos
Broken and she’ll never be saved
Suck it up, you fucked it up
The way she walks, the way she talks
We all know the girl is halfway dead, dead, dead
You’re selling your soul for whiskey and coke
And you’re a suicide for tequila and lime
And I gotta admit when I first saw you
Hit the dance floor with your grind
You sent me outta my mind
But after watching you crawl in the door
That it is getting old and sold and I told
I don’t know but you’re screaming
I don’t care, I don’t care, care, care, care
The way that she looks
Turning it up like you always do
Head to toe, covered in tattoos
Sooner or later you’re gonna come loose
What the fuck you gonna do?
Turning up like you always do
Head to toe, covered in tattoos
Broken and she’ll never be saved
Suck it up, you fucked it up
Turning it up like you always do
Head to toe, covered in tattoos
Sooner or later you’re gonna come loose
What the fuck you gonna do?
Turning up like you always do
Head to toe, covered in tattoos
Broken and she’ll never be saved
Suck it up, you fucked it up
The way she walks, the way she talks
We all know the girl is halfway dead
The way she died, the way she said
We all know the girl is halfway dead
Dead, dead, halfway dead
Dead, dead, halfway dead
When I see you lately
I’m wondering on
White roses, caskets
Your name on a stone
Turning it up like you always do
Head to toe, covered in tattoos
Turning it up like you always do
Head to toe, covered in tattoos
Sooner or later you’re gonna come loose
What the fuck you gonna do?
Turning up like you always do
Head to toe, covered in tattoos
Broken and she’ll never be saved
Suck it up, you fucked it up
Turning it up like you always do
Head to toe, covered in tattoos
Sooner or later you’re gonna come loose
What the fuck you gonna do?
Turning up like you always do
Head to toe, covered in tattoos
Broken and she’ll never be saved
Suck it up, you fucked it up
The way she walks, the way she talks
We all know the girl is halfway dead
The way she died, the way she said
We all know the girl is halfway dead
Valentines Day.
What is the point to Valentines day? If your really “in love” with someone you would show/tell them everyday. Not just on Feburary 14th. I personally hate it. I always have, and I always will. Being single may have a little to do with it yes, but it’s really just a day to spend money on your loved one. Honestly how many people just go for a walk on Valentines? I often see it one buys another a ring or a necklace, chocolate, flowers. WHY?!?! Tell me why you do this TODAY, out of every other day why today? Because it’s the day of “love.” Valentines is the stupidest excuse for a holiday if you ask me. Bahumbug.
9 Things I Hate About Everyone
1. People who point at their wrist asking for the time… I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their a** to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
3. When people say “Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too”. Damn Right! What good is cake if you can’t eat it?
4. When people say “it’s always the last place you look”. Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you’ve found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
5. When people say while watching a film, “did ya see that?” No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor!
6. People who ask “Can I ask you a question?”… Didn’t give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is ‘new and improved’. Which is it? If it’s new, then there has never been anything before it. If it’s an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn’t be new.
8. When people say “life is short”. What the hell??? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!! What can you do thats longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks “Has the bus come yet?” If the bus came, would I be standing here???
- Unknown
